Posted By Adina Soclof On May 10, 2012 @ 12:47 pm In Family and Parenting,Uncategorized | No Comments
When children lie for the first time, parents can get very upset. They immediately envision a life of crime for their little angel. Parents can rest easy. Lying is a common problem among all children.
Why do children lie?
Children lie to avoid punishment or embarrassment. They can lie because it is convenient. They would rather continue to play with their blocks than get up and brush their teeth so they will lie and tell you they have already done it. Children will also lie because it is a form of wishful thinking. They confuse reality and their inner fantasy world. They like to make their lives sound more exciting and they will exaggerate.
Sometimes, lying is also a form of higher thinking and intelligence. Lying requires more imagination than honesty. In order to lie you need to know what the truth is. Then you need to creatively come up with a new story that will be believable.
Most experts agree that lying is a pretty typical childhood behavior and is usually a passing phase. Children will start lying at age around age 3. The reasons children lie get more complex as children grow older. Lying is generally a strategy that children use to keep them afloat in some way. Younger children will lie mostly to avoid punishment, to get out of doing something they don’t want to do and because they have confused fantasy with reality. In a positive sense, older children will lie to spare another child’s feelings.
Parents should not worry excessively when their children lie. Becoming a moral, upstanding adult takes time and lots of learning from mistakes. Learning to be honest is one of those lessons that just needs to be learned. Punishing children is not the answer, gentle guidance, is.
Here are two ways to gently encourage your child to tell the truth:
1. Explain the difference between lying and “white” lies:
In general, young children have a hard time understanding what a lie is and what the truth is. Because children have such vivid imaginations and are at the same time concrete, black and white learners, the whole topic of lying vs. white lies is confusing. Many people believe that white lies are acceptable because they are used for the sole purpose of protecting another’s feelings. Most cultures view it as a form of kindness. It would be beneficial for parents to give a short explanation about “white” lies. You can tell your child about your own experiences, when you had to use a “white lie” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. For example, if you had to tell your friend that you liked her cake even thought you didn’t because you didn’t want her to feel bad.
2. Never push a kid into a place where they have a hard time telling you the truth:
Make sure you don’t ask your children questions that will put them in a position to lie. Asking, “Who did this?” or “Why would anyone do such a thing?” Talk about the incident in a matter of fact way, “Oh no, the water spilled all over the floor! We need to get this cleaned up right away!”
Children need us to help them tell the truth. Being open about white lies and being careful to avoid putting our children on the defensive can help us do just that.
Last 5 posts by Adina Soclof
- Good Parenting: Learn Ways To Cope With Your Family’s Bad Moods [1] – April 30th, 2012
- Good Parenting: Stop Losing It With Your Kids [2] – April 26th, 2012
- Empathy For Kids: Show Them You Understand [3] – December 16th, 2011
- Children and Choices: The Secret To Raising Independent Kids: Part 2 [4] – December 10th, 2011
- Offering Children Choices The Secret To Raising Independent Children [5] – December 10th, 2011
Article printed from LadyPens: http://www.ladypens.com
URL to article: http://www.ladypens.com/lying-children-what-you-need-to-do-to-encourage-honesty/
URLs in this post:
[1] Good Parenting: Learn Ways To Cope With Your Family’s Bad Moods: http://www.ladypens.com/good-parenting-learn-ways-to-cope-with-your-familys-bad-moods/
[2] Good Parenting: Stop Losing It With Your Kids: http://www.ladypens.com/good-parenting-stop-losing-it-with-your-kids/
[3] Empathy For Kids: Show Them You Understand: http://www.ladypens.com/empathy-for-kids-show-them-you-understand/
[4] Children and Choices: The Secret To Raising Independent Kids: Part 2: http://www.ladypens.com/children-and-choices-the-secret-to-raising-independent-kids-part-2/
[5] Offering Children Choices The Secret To Raising Independent Children: http://www.ladypens.com/offering-children-choices-the-secret-to-raising-independent-children/
I’m usually a very honset person but have been known to lie and my children have busted me. When my children catch me I try to be very honset about it and handle it in a way that they may learn from it.My reasons, I grew up with a mother who always lied. I’ve seen what that can do for a person. I don’t want that for my children. So, yes, I’m the adult and I’m holding my kids accountable for when they lie even though I, on occasion, lie as well. I am also human. I make mistakes like everyone else out there. All I can do is the best I can for myself and my children. So, while I lie, my children get in trouble for lying. But, when I lie, I try to hold myself accountable and at the very least recognize my mistake, learn from it, and next time when I may feel the need to lie hopefully I will make the right decision and not lie.Another reason, why adults lie and still expect their children not to is simply because they know it is wrong, may feel helpless in how to handle things in a differnet way for themselves but they want something better for their kids. So, they try as best as they can to raise their kids for a better life. This applies to everything from lying, to education, to after school activities, etc., etc. The list goes on forever. If a parent didn’t have the opportunity, they want it for their child, if a parent has a bad habit and realizes it’s bad, they don’t want their child to have that same habit.The point is, just about every parent out there wants a better life for their kids than what they had so they try to do whatever they can with the resources available to them in the best way they know how to achieve that.
You are a very caring mother and it’s true that sometimes parents do fail but the important thing is that we try and that we learn from our mistakes. Teaching children to be honest can be hard but it’s essential we help them understand the importance of honesty. It is also important that children learn to be accountable for mistakes.